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- 2023.02.01 (2nd Feb of 2023)
2023.02.01 (2nd Feb of 2023)
Kkakdugi No More 🙅🏻♀️
Kkakdugi No More
It's 2023.02.01 (again) on the lunar calendar today.
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I had a small but significant epiphany recently.
is a common type of kimchi and also a term used for little kids who are included in big kids' games without actually having a stake in the game (i.e., letting babies play so that they don't feel left out and cry). I realized my internalization of myself as a kkakdugi permeates my professional life; I've been perceiving myself as a tagalong on meetings with real experts, whether in my role as a recording artist or as a consultant in the museum/culture sector. But actually I have a lot of experience in technological aspects of vocal production and in branding and marketing for the arts. I'm not quite in the emerging stage of my career anymore and too old to be a kkakdugi!
Having thought that much through, I would've shrugged it off had my sister not made a timely comment that I should be proactively mentoring people if I want to see more diversity and representation in an industry of white guys (I love my white-guy film/TV composers though—shout out to Ross Moss and Maclaine❣️). Even as I wrote that sentence, I thought to myself, "But what do I know about scoring?" The kkakdugi mentality is so ingrained in me that it's difficult to uproot but I see clearly now that it's detrimental: As long as I'm a kkakdugi, I'm in no position to be a mentor or be a resource to younger and/or newer folks coming up. And I know I'm totally equipped to be such a guide despite my equivocating language.
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Here's a photo of a younger, tanner me making kimchi with my mom in our backyard, when I could really claim to be a kkakdugi professionally.
There is though, of course, the issue of time. I feel I'm at near-capacity with various commitments and unsure that I have the time to give to people. But it's probably like what my mom says about money: If you wait until you have enough money to give, that day will never come. You give out of what you have now.
I've been prioritizing time to myself to live an examined life, especially as I work on the Jungian album. While there's a lot of examining going on, the questions have been ranging from "Have I eaten lunch today?" and "When did I last shower?" to "What happened to the frozen edamame I bought last weekend?"
Another realization I had while writing down kernels for blog posts I was planning for the new album is that the album is actually a book. I knew that I wanted to make a diary/journal as merch but I'm now thinking a book is central to the Jungian project: a book with songs to accompany the brief chapters.
I'm envisioning a workbook, a diary with writing to inspire your own, a book with blank pages for reflection. I want a square book as a (semi-)circle book is likely not a realistic option. If you have any ideas on a place I can print high-quality square journals or book publishers to look into, do tell.
Currently listening to this unusual bout of rain in LA 🌧️“Kkakdugi 1.jpg” by gildedgingerbread. is licensed under CC BY 4.0.
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