Pursue Less, Prune More

My mom just found a stack of letters she had written to my dad from Korea while he was on an extended visit to the US, years before we all moved here. She frequently wrote about me and described what I grabbed at my doljanchi (first birthday party) during a ceremony to foretell what the child will pursue when they grow up.

Presented with four options, I first grabbed the thread and money and threw them aside, before pouring out all the rice. I held on to the pencil, which led my mom to speculate that I would excel in my studies.

It’s funny to read long-forgotten anecdotes about toddler me, who sounds so much like current-day me—except she was better at tossing aside things that don’t suit her.

I have been pursuing too many things and feeling stunted in my growth with diffused effort. Watching a guide on how to grow roses, I was struck by the instructions to cut off blooms so that the plant can store up energy to produce better, new blooms, instead of spending energy on those that’ll fall off shortly anyway. The gardener acknowledges that cutting off the beautiful flowers is painful for many, but it really is what’s good for the plant. 

I did not inherit my mom’s green thumb. Yet despite neglect and a whitefly infestation, my large potted plants have stayed alive. I had to keep moving a tall cactus in and out while resurfacing the patio, and in frustration when it fell over, I lopped off the top and removed the branches. I had wondered if the cactus was long dead, but seeing its milky blood when split open, I realized it’s very much alive.

I felt sad for the plant and was pained for days. But months later, I started noticing lots of new growth on the cactus. Maybe this is just how nature works, but I continue to be amazed that a once half-dead plant is blooming with so much life.

Not only from the natural world, but also from management consulting (i.e., Peter Drucker on abandonment), I know that growth requires pruning. What do I prune though? What do I abandon?

I need to figure this out because in my state of indecision, I reflexively try to lighten my mental load by dropping essential activities like going to the dentist, checking the engine oil, and eating regularly. Most of all, I want to grow into the person one-year-old me was certain I would be. 

Above are a couple short clips from “Going Home to the Moon.” Enjoy the last weeks of summer!